Silliness reigns

One of the most important roles that writing can play in out lives is relaxation. A substantial PhD thesis, for example, can replace a Valium tablet in inducing sleep even for a chronic insomniac. To match the correct book with the desired end, however is a fine art, as a PhD thesis on a distinctive mutating virus is far more likely to cause nightmares than, for instance, a study of the use of open vowels in Anglo-Norman religious texts in the thirteenth century. In the final analysis, the choice of bed-time reading must be personal, reflecting the deep interests and desires of the individual. It is unlikely that the scholar of epics would find a controversial study of the Song of Roland at all relaxing, whereas a deeply religious individual might find the so-called "begat" section of the Old Testament secure, familiar and soothing, particularly read aloud.

How then do you choose your preferred reading? You simply determine your personality-type and interests, then seek appropriate subject matter. The list below gives an indication of some of the avenues available:

1. for the sort of sleeper who finds that counting sheep helps: the Sydney white pages, The Sumerian King List (preferably untranslated)
2. for literature devotees: anything by Jeffrey Archer
3. for avid football followers: The Mill on the Floss, Far from the Madding Crowd. The Alexandria Quartet
4. for historians: the complete and unexpurgated works of Barbara Cartland
5. for lovers of cookbooks and cooking: Conan the Barbarian, A Farmer's Guide to Manure
6. for computer addicts and those obsessed by clock-watching: Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (unabridged)
7. for the deeply religious: the annual reports of the Canadian Ice Hockey Association
8. for pedants: Ulysses, by James Joyce
9. for religious insomniacs (unless they are historians, literary experts, or deeply religious): the Bible in all its original languages, accompanied by appropriate dictionaries.

This list should be treated with caution. That is to say, you should complete a searching personality analysis prior to deciding which great work or literature best induces sleep for you. If you are a closet grower of geraniums then a seed catalogue may have hidden dangers. Dancers and athletes should be wary of books that mention any physical activity whatsoever, in case their muscles respond sympathetically to such mentions. Indeed, they should seriously consider limiting themselves to such classics as the Cobol handbook.

Use careful judgement and your reading should bring you many happy and dream-filled hours of relaxation.